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    Acting Normal …

    So …

    Has anyone here ever been to Old Man Rafferty’s in New Brunswick? If you’ve been to Rutgers, you’re probably familiar with the place.  It’s a nice little place with good meals and awesome desserts.  There’s another one that just opened up in Asbury Park.  Great place.

    The best thing about O.M.R.?  They place great value upon the concept of “dessert”.  Their desserts are amazing.  Crafted by some of the finest pastry chefs in New Jersey.  When you open the menu, it says right up top: “Life is Uncertain, Eat Dessert First!”.  To encourage you to take this Carpe Diem approach to your meal, the desserts are listed FIRST on the menu, then the appetizers, then the entrees.

    When most people read this suggestion, they think: “Ha! That’s awesome!”. They turn to their dining companions and say: “Hey did you check out the menu? Life is Uncertain, Eat Dessert First? Isn’t that awesome?”.  Their dining companions will laugh and agree.  What a great philosophy.  Maybe we SHOULD take a more proactive approach to our own lives.  Maybe we should all live with the passion, the very élan vital , that this simple menu endorses?  Maybe this is the right idea?  The diner companions all nod and laugh and agree that life really is uncertain, and that the world would be a better place if we all just ate dessert first.

    But then the waiter/tress comes around, and the first person says that they’d like to start with an order of mozzarella sticks, followed by a turkey club, and a Sam Adams to drink.  The waiter/tress proceeds to the next person, and before long, everyone has enjoyed a good meal, and is looking forward to dessert.  The dessert that they’re having last.

    Why are they having dessert last? Well, because you’re supposed to have dessert last.  As the Teacher says: “How can you have your pudding if you haven’t eaten any meat?“.  We are raised to believe that if you have your dessert first, well then you really haven’t EARNED it.  You’re not worthy of that dessert. You just want to have your cake, and eat it too.  What would actually happen if you tried to order dessert first?

    “Bob, what the Hell are you doing?”
    “I’m … ordering the red velvet cheesecake …”
    “Look … Bob, don’t be a douche. Just order your food like a normal person”.
    “But … it said that we could order dessert first, so I’m ordering dess–“.
    “Yeah, we know what the menu says, Bob. Just order your food, you’re gonna screw up our whole order”.
    “But …”
    [to waiter/tresss]: “He’ll have the Chicken Cordon Bleu and a Guinness. Don’t listen to him, he’s … special”.

    Crisis will have been averted, and Bob will eat his food like a normal person. He’ll probably be wondering: “How would that have screwed anybody up?  Why would the presence of a dessert on the table spoil anyone else’s dinner? Maybe it would throw off the schedule of the meal? But if that was the case, they could just make sure to ask the waitress until everyone was done with their entree before bringing out Bob’s entree. (but after he finished his dessert)

    The next time they went out to dinner, Bob would make sure to order his food like a normal person.  Someone might facetiously blurt out:  “Oh no, BOB’s here, I guess we all order dessert FIRST this time, right!?”.  Group laughter, everybody looks at Bob sympathetically, and they go back to their ordinary lives of eating meals in the proper order as God intended.

    Sometimes, I know exactly how Bob feels. 😦